midlifedude

Man at midlife making second half matter

Archive for the tag “anger”

A Nation Consumed by Anger

Mercifully, the 2016 U.S. presidential election campaign is nearly over. (Or at least, we can hope. God only knows what Nov. 9 will bring.) And through all the shenanigans, rhetoric, nonsense, hyperbole, deflection, rationalization, hot air and blasphemy, I’m left with one overriding impression: the raw anger and mean-spiritedness of so many Americans. It’s pervasive and seemingly contagious. And quite disturbing and unsettling. I’m predicting anger_insideoutwe’ll see the intensity increase after the results are in.

One of my counseling texts describes unconstrained anger as “a tendency to hold something or someone else responsible.” When an individual holds something or someone external responsible for their stress, anxiety, or frustration, they often feel they “have the right to express it in an aggressive manner.” The nation is afflicted with this malady of “blaming the other” now: It’s the Mexicans taking jobs; it’s trade agreements shipping jobs away; it’s the Syrian refugees; it’s the Muslims; it’s all immigrants; it’s the nefarious, corrupt Clintons; it’s the socialists; it’s all of Washington; it’s the politicians; it’s Obamacare; it’s the media; it’s the police; it’s racism; it’s sexism; it’s greed; it’s Wall Street; it’s Big Business; it’s the liars, cheaters and fraudsters.

Topping the list of managing anger, says the text, is acknowledging this: “You are responsible for your own life, the choices you make, and the quality of your life experience.”

I would argue that too many Americans have been sold a bill of goods called “The American Dream.” While such a highfalutin concept certainly exists — America offers ample opportunity to achieve some self-defined measure of success — it is not a guarantee for everyone. Hard work doesn’t guarantee it. So many other variables are at play outside an individual’s control. And the illusory American Dream also should not be confused with happiness. The Declaration of Independence grants Americans “the pursuit of happiness” but not happiness. That must be arrived at internally, through mind, body, soul and spirit.

I expect too many Americans expect or want something that they do not have, or thought their lives would be different — better, more successful, without constant struggle, disappointment and limitations (self-imposed or otherwise). Too many Americans abdicate taking responsibility for their own lives, the quality of their lives, and their choices. They are not happy with who they are, where they are, what they have chosen, what they do, the people around them or the quality of their daily existence. It is difficult to change. It takes personal responsibility and risk to change. And it would be too painful to blame themselves. The anger has to be released somewhere, so individuals displace it toward convenient targets, and sometimes, literally, to anyone who crosses their path. Why else road rage? Why else scream down a reporter one has never met?

Yes, this is a bit of pop psychology. It’s based on no research, no surveys. It’s anecdotal. Yet there is no doubt that anger in America is palpable, visceral, barely contained and exploding in spots. Post-election has powder keg written all over it. And I can’t help but think that to find the true source and cause of this anger, Americans have to stop looking outward and take a hard look at themselves.

 

 

What’s Wrong with People and Why are Cyclists Targets of Their Stupidity

I went for an bike ride last evening on a usual route in a semi-rural/wealthy suburban region of my county. The weather was perfect, with the sun beginning to set, and the ride was peaceful – except for the three different motorists who either hurled epithets at me or yelled and waved their arms at me from behind, apparently trying to scare me.

And all I can think is, What the hell is wrong with these people? And why do they love making cyclists the target of their displaced anger or desire to harass or bully? Because that’s what it is.

The worst offender was the man driving in the opposite direction that I was cycling, in the opposite lane. He purposefully slowed down, pointed his arm at me out the window and RoadRageyelled a few indecipherable words followed by a clear, “Faggot!” What inspires such unprovoked anger and hatred, I have no idea.

On my way back on my circuitous route, two times people yelled and screeched at me from behind and stuck arms out the window. One seemed to be a carload of teenagers. This happens often to cyclists, perpetrated by ignorant and disrespectful people who have no concept that cyclists take risks every time they ride the roads, and that being startled by a piercing scream coming from an approaching vehicle can cause a cyclist to swerve and lose balance just enough to wipe out.

I’ve never had the desire to yell at a cyclist from a vehicle. I don’t know where that comes from. We do have a lot of anger problems in our society, and I suppose it has to get displaced somewhere. In my counseling internship, I counseled several people with nearly uncontrollable rage, including one who could be set off by a look or slightest misstep by another. They had no idea why they felt that way, but desperately wanted to get rid of it.

When I get cursed or screeched at while riding a bike, I can feel a little road rage coming on myself. I have the desire to track down the motorist and get in his face (perpetrators are always male) and yell, What the f*** is wrong with you, a**hole! Or at least get the license plate, though I don’t know what I would do with that information. But of course the motorist is long gone before I can do anything. So I just put it in perspective, shake my head, let any feelings of anger dissolve quickly, try to feel compassion for the disturbed motorist and keep on pedaling.

Speaking of road rage, it’s a growing epidemic, an indication of our frantic, largely self-absorbed society. In the last week, right in front of my son’s high school, a man driving erratically during the morning commuting hours pulled out a gun and shot at another motorist, hitting the driver’s side door. I can’t say I would be totally surprised if someday I see a driver pointing a gun at me as I cycle the road, especially someone with explosive anger who believes I have held him up from his destination.

Do any cyclists out there have similar stories of being targeted by angry or just plain stupid motorists attempting to torment you as a lark? I’d love to read them.

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