Why Worry? Because I Can’t Not
Why should I worry
Why should I care
They always told me
Life isn’t fair
Everything is futile
Why should I try
Ain’t gettin’ nowhere
It’s just one big lie
When it gets really bad
Paralyzed by fear
Can’t catch my breath
Desperate for some air
Tryin’ to sleep
As my worries run high
After hours of tossin’
Can’t help but cry
Can’t shut my brain down
It’s surging on overload
Worry on steroids
About to explode
The walls, they’re always closing in
Suckin’ down more and more Klonopin
Heart beatin’ out of my chest
Damn, if I could only get some rest
Sweat pourin’ down my back and head
God, sometimes I wish I were dead
Don’t matter I know that wouldn’t be right
It’s a battle I’m always havin’ to fight
Why should I worry
I’ll tell you why
Nothing goes my way
No matter how hard I try
Can’t make a mistake
For that would spell certain doom
Only way to avoid that
Is to stay in my room
Why get out of bed
What’s the point anyway
I feel better in the dark
Hidden far away
Everybody’s judging me
I’m a failure and a fraud
Everybody hates me
I swear even God
Anxiety’s got its grip on me
Poppin’ pills, tryin’ to set myself free
Runnin’ out of Xanax way too quick
Gotta hit the streets to get my next fix
But those little pills run out after so long
Only other option is to light up my bong
Yeah, maybe it’s just a way to avoid
But it still beats feeling so paranoid
Dread around every corner
Trouble everywhere
I’d like to take a risk
But better not dare
Tryin’ so hard to stay in control
So everyone thinks I’m OK
But on the inside I’m ‘fight or flight’
Every single, God damned day
Sometimes gotta pull my car
To the side of the road
Feel like my heart’s beatin’ out
From the weight of my load
My mind racing so fast
Feeling like a rock stuck in my belly
Ain’t no fun to wake up each morning
Like a quivering blob of jelly
Nobody else knows what it’s like
To constantly live with your finger in the dike
If I took it out, there’d be such a rush
My emotions would swamp me, and I’d turn to mush
Maybe if I did, it would be a relief
To just unload all of my grief
But then everyone would wonder, what the hell’s wrong
No, can’t do that, gotta seem strong
Sometimes my anxiety
Makes me so sad
That’s when my depression
Gets really bad
Have visions of a gun
Pointed at my head
Wouldn’t everything be so peaceful
If I were just dead
No longer need to worry
Everything would be just fine
My mind would finally be quiet
Heaven doesn’t make you wait in line
Only problem about it
Insurance wouldn’t pay
I’d only hurt my family
By going out this way
But now I’ve decided to make a stand
I refuse to hurt myself by my own hand
I’m going to someone so I can clear my head
Of this constant, miserable sense of dread
So far, I feel it’s doing me some good
When I started, never thought it would
Finally, I can see myself feeling more whole
And reconnecting with my long-buried soul
Tryin’ to change the way I think
And how I act
Never realized how much
Thoughts have an impact
I’m developing new skills
To stay calm and cope
That’s giving me
A new sense of hope
I’ve started to meditate
Instead of lightin’ up a joint
I’m finally accepting
My counselor may have a point
I’ve got a long way to go
To get out of my own way
Learned the only way for me to live
Is going day by day
Anxiety is still with me
Still causes me some strife
But now that I’m more mindful
It doesn’t rule my life
There is hope after all
Though it doesn’t come in a hurry
Against this curse called anxiety
And once uncontrollable worry